Audio Reading of the Poem:
[for your safety] [it's important] [to know] [the exact location]
[of the exits] [in case of an emergency] [follow the houselights]
[into the darkness] [should we experience] [a mass shooting]
[be silent] [make sure] [to do] [absolutely] [nothing]
[in case of an oil spill] [follow the crowds] [to the parking lot]
[wipe any blackened animals] [off your windshield]
[go to the nearest gas station] [tell them] [fill 'er up]
[in case of a global] [pandemic] [ask a theater employee]
[to shut the doors] [make sure] [no one] [gets in]
[should a category super storm] [befall us] [be assured]
[the theater] [is unaffected] [by climate change]
[people of color] [will be provided aid] [on a limited basis]
[and finally] [before we begin] [our main] [attraction]
[should thermonuclear war] [break out] [at any time]
[during our program] [please adjust your chair]
[to a reclining position] [have a handful] [of popcorn]
[or reach] [for a cool] [refreshing Coke] [sit back]
[get comfortable] [and enjoy] [the show]
First published in Scryptic Magazine, 1.4, March 2018.